A down and dirty guide for planning the menu at your upcoming restaurant. No really, you’ll want mason jars.

Aperitif

Bourbon, bitters and definitely something infused, preferably with bacon.

Champagne and elderflower.

Appetizers

Choose either a dynamic or intentionally plain name for this section of the menu. Anything in French will do, or simple phrases like “small plates.” Then make sure to have at least two of the following:

Wilted bitter greens.

Some type of carb with crust cut off.

A basket of bread studded with as much farmhouse cheddar or bacon as possible. Rosemary is so 2005.

Goat cheese. Preferably on beets, but other roots will do in a pinch. Think parsnips or rutabaga.

Braised greens on brioche. Both are on foodie menus everywhere, but in such an inventive pairing? Sure to get you a write up.

Full tongue in cheek guide here.